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ShowCatsOnline

The Premier Online Magazine About
Breeding & Showing Cats

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ShowCatsOnline

The Premier Online Magazine About
Breeding & Showing Cats

Search
Close this search box.

Bad Kitty 2

Whether a kitten or a cat, most felines have a natural talent for being “naughty”. Enjoy a list of phrases suggested by cat owners that their wayward cats should write on a blackboard as punishment for misbehaviors. Here are some more possibilities…

  • I will not jump onto the fireplace mantel, counter top, window box or entertainment center to knock over the wedding album, vases, dishes, houseplant or curios or I will be scolded (if they can ever catch me, that is).
  • Door jambs are not made for climbing.
  • We do not kill our prey in the house.
  • We do not leave bits and pieces of our prey on stoves, beds and kitchen counters.
  • Computer and TV screens do not exist to back light my lovely tail.
  • I will not sprawl on the papers my human is trying to mark.
  • I will not jump to the top of the refrigerator and then projectile vomit all over the kitchen.
  • I will not use my female human’s chest as a springboard.
  • I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.
  • The toilet paper does not exist so that I can shred it into little bits.
  • The other cats are not chew toys.
  • The piano is for humans to play.
  • The toilet is not a good place from which to drink water.
  • A silk dress is not to be pulled off its hanger and used as a nest.
  • If I don’t eat all the kibbles at once, I won’t barf later.
  • I will not lay on my human’s face in the middle of the night.
  • I will not snitch dinner from the humans.
  • If I get in the shower while it’s running, I will get wet.
  • I will not claw a hole in the sofa/box spring to make a nest.
  • People cannot see me on the floor when they are making the 3 AM bathroom run or have an armload of groceries.
  • I do not need to be spoon fed.
  • The bed is not a WWF wrestling ring.
  • I will not turn off the answering machine when I play, which greatly upsets my human and destroys her already impaired social life.
  • I will not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking my butt.
  • I will not toss my poop out of the litter box and play hockey with it.
  • I will not lie down with my butt in the human’s face.

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“When Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people die!”
* Dr. Evil speaking about his cat, from the film “Austin Powers”.

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